What do we have today?
Sony Black Shirt Number Five is standing in for Farrow. Or I thought so at first. Subsequent audio leads me to think it's Farrow himself. The shirts now show the day of the Readerthon? Farrow is beginning to feel the Groundhog Day effect.
There's a Reader Revolutionary outside. I catch the Sony Reader tan cover.
But there's attention competition on Fifth Avenue: a frikkin parade!
There's the Reader Revolutionary. Tackle someone, man!
At 5:00PM EDST: A Sony Black Shirt fills in for Farrow.
I thought about this last night. Maybe Sony needs to get a pulpit. And hire an actor to play an Elmer Gantry-type.
Before I went to sleep, I mapped out a little speech such an actor could give:
Ladies and gentlemen! Give me thirty seconds of your time and I will change your life!
That's what I said! Thirty seconds to change your life!
I hold here in my hand the first miracle of the twenty-first century!
It is called the Sony Reader!
Look at how thin this is! Can you believe it can hold one-hundred and sixty books?
No, not the kind that's made with paper. That would get all icky!
I'm talking about eBooks.
Now some of you might have heard of eBooks because of an abomination called the Amazon Kindle. It is Satan's Own Tool and you should stay away from it if you intend to venture into Heaven.
I will not only explain why the Sony Reader is better, but how it will change your life and save your very soul!
Now come closer to witness this little miracle.
Look at that screen. It looks like a simulation, doesn't it? But it's not. It's something called eInk and it looks just like paper. Can you believe that right now absolutely no electricity is being used? But that's a fact! Sony made me take a solemn vow to tell you nothing but the truth!
This is your list of books. You press one of these side buttons to start reading.
Now look at the cover of this one. That's Alan Greenspan, the man who got us into this Wall Street mess, but we will forgive him, God save his soul! You will notice that the Sony Reader can do graphics.
Now let me show you text as I change the page. Do not be alarmed by that brief black flash as I do so. All shall be explained.
Here we are at some text. Now some of you are probably saying, That's so small, I can't read that! If this was a regular book on paper, I would sympathize with that declaration. But as I said at the outset, this is the Sony Reader, the first miracle of the twenty-first century. Watch what happens when I press this button. See the text get bigger? And watch when I press it again: Bigger still!
Can you do that with a printed book? I think it's safe to say that you can not.
The Sony Reader gives you three sizes of type. You can now forget your reading glasses and still read as God Himself intended: with your own eyes!
Now let's imagine that you have gone on to enjoy several pages of this book. Then the phone rings to interrupt you. Don't worry! Simply put the Sony Reader down and it will retain the page you were at.
And let me show you this button. Look closely at where I am pointing in the upper right corner. It is an illustration of the page being folded over. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a Bookmark! Now you can bend down a page with the press of a button and not ruin the book itself! You can have as many Bookmarks as you wish. In fact, the Sony Reader will let you hop to any Bookmark you wish.
Now let's say you're one of those active people who read more than one book at a time. I know that sounds incredible, but such people do exist, God bless them and the public libraries they live in! Watch as I return to the main list of books with this button. Now watch as I choose the last book I was at. Notice it says Continue Reading. The Sony Reader remembers the last page I was at and with a simple press of a button -- Hallejulah! -- I am back within the text where I left off.
Now let me explain that brief flash as I change each page. I know some of you are standing there skeptical of that. But we have sold hundreds of thousands of the Sony Reader and believe it or not, once you have become engrossed in a book, you stop noticing that. In fact, you learn to pace your reading so that you instinctually know when to turn the page -- just as you learned to do when you began reading printed books!
At the outset of this technological sermon, I stated that I would say why the Sony Reader is better than the abominable Amazon Kindle. Here is why. We are standing next to the main branch of the New York Public Library. If you were to have a Sony Reader, you could borrow eBooks for free from the comfort of your own home and read them on the Sony Reader. Never again would you have to pay an overdue fine. Public libraries across the country are beginning to offer eBooks and most of them offer them for the Sony Reader. This is something you absolutely cannot do with Satan's Own Tool, the abominable Amazon Kindle.
You have now been witness to a brief introduction to the Sony Reader. Now I want you to notice the people who are surrounding us in blue shirts. Don't be afraid. These are our blue angels! Each one of them has a Sony Reader that you can try for yourself! Don't be shy! There is no absolutely obligation to buy. We want you to try it. We want you to experience for yourself with your own hands this first miracle of the twenty-first century that will change your life and save your soul!
Thank you for your time and God bless eBooks!
Two things:
1) Hey, I did it before sleeping, so it's not Art!
2) Sony could de-religionize it.
Sony, this guy knows how to attract attention -- and close a sale!
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