I mean, how difficult can buying a new toilet be? It's a basic utilitarian, functioning gadget. It's not as though you have a million varieties to choose from now, is it?
Wrong.
Did I want "bulk handling"? Could that be marketing speak for do I poop like an elephant? Or my friends? Imagine the scene: I'm standing in the middle of the W. 23rd St. Home Depot on a busy Saturday morning and the salesman is waiting while I'm going through my mind thinking which of my mates could be problematic in the "bulk handling" area. My mind hasn't been into this space before, and I was amazed that I had to think of my friends in this way.
What about the vegetarian girlfriend? She eats a lot of beans. Then there's the New Zealand mate who had confessed she had blocked her own toilet a couple of times. I wasn't going to take any chances. For the Gizmodo generation, Kohler offers seven different flushing technologies to choose from.
The salesman impressed upon me that the "high-performance gravity-fed technology" delivered "extraordinary handling" and had "optimized rim-wash for exceptional cleanliness." Was it a car? Was it a train? No it was just a toilet!
My god!
Judie Lipsett is already planning Toilet Gear!
Judie: Cane, you were under NDA about that!!!
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