Friday, May 30, 2008

Cyst Removal Has Come far In 25 Years

Some of you will have noticed far fewer posts today than usual.

That's because I had to go have a cyst removed.

I didn't plan on it happening today.

I thought the dermatologist would look at it and schedule a future date.

Instead, nope. Do it now!

Just about twenty-five years ago I had to have a cyst removed. It became inflamed and infected and was hurting like hell. It grew to twice its size, making it four times the size of the one I had evicted today.

The doctor back then shot the area up with Lidocaine and then used I swear to God this frikkin torch that is used to construct battleships to burn out the cyst. He actually put on goggles! The room flared with blue light and there were these godawful crackling noises like out of Herr Doktor Frankenstein's lab and this horrible smell of burning flesh (hey, that's my burning flesh!) and me involuntarily screaming not because of pain but because I was hoping to God he wouldn't miss with that terror lance! I swear it felt like it took at least fifteen minutes for him to get rid of the thing! I was drenched in sweat and pale afterwards. I think everyone in the waiting room wondered what the hell had happened to me.

So when the dermatologist today said he'd remove it Right Now, my knees almost sorta kinda buckled.

He shot me up with Lidocaine.

I braced myself and said, "Say when."

He said, "I'm already doing it!"

I said, "You're kidding me!"

He said, "I'm almost done."

From the time of the injection to him saying he was done was all of maybe two minutes.

There was no blue light, no crackling sound. But yeah, there was burning flesh when my nose happened to go over the area.

But no pain. No anguish.


So if anyone out there has a cyst that needs to be exterminated, go do it!

It's fast, painless, and easy!

Take it from a medical coward that it is so!

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