Friday, August 22, 2008

Look! It's The Heckle Signal!

Oh yeah. I admit that I've savaged her in a post here. Really savaged. Really really really savaged.

But it's kneejerk for me, see? Point me at something with the label "Publisher" on it and my rabid gene kicks in and it's on!

However, yes, she is a small publisher -- there's that word again! -- and I really wish the advice I napalmed had come from one of those hive-mind NYC houses.

No, this is not an apology. Publisher = attack attack attack.

Unlike someone yesterday who couldn't take a hint, I had one waved in my face like a red blanket in front of a snarling bull:

Oh, I saw she was doing that this morning. I noted it in my Twittersnipes post.

So, anyway, the challenge -- not specifically addressed at me, but I'm sure it was! -- was issued.

So I went.

Here comes the heckling:
I am certain everyone expected me to say that I want to see a great book. That is important too, but no matter how great your book is, no one will ever know if they are put off by you. "But they won't all see me." you say. It's not all about looks, don't be a dork on the Internet. Don't swear in public venues. Don't mouth off about your political and religious views in the public forums. Keep a clear head, and remember, you are trying to impress people, not irritate them. So you have a strong personality, great, but don't be a bully.

Yes, well, I covered that bit already. So off I went via Google instead.

She has a MySpace page. Where this was revealed:
In a former life, when she owned an Independent bookstore in Grand Prairie, Texas, where she was nominated for the Publishers Weekly 2000 Bookseller of the Year.

Karen has had eight full-length romance novels published, is a featured author in three anthologies and has five more books scheduled for release at some point before she...well, eventually. Her stories run from straight contemporary to paranormal/ghost/time travels. Her latest title, Dark Shines My Love was featured in the Mr. Romance Cover Model Pageant at the RT Booklover's Convention in Kansas City, MO in October 2003.

She has served as an Educational Workshop Coordinator for the Romantic Times National Convention, founded a Romance Writers of America Chapter, and spent fifteen years molding the minds of the future (read: preschool teacher.) In addition to everything else, Karen was the founding Director of the IP Directive (Independent Publishers Directive), a promising organization committed to increasing the success and productivity of independent publishers worldwide, and the chairperson for the EPIC (Electronically Published Internet Connection) Publishers Coalition. She is a member of the Thriller Writers International, Mystery Writers of America and to date, a displaced member of Sisters in Crime. Many years ago she founded and presided over the Fort Worth Romance Authors (RWA).

OK, right. Romance writing. I once read a paragraph in a romance book back in my Cubicle Days, took it from a co-worker to check out. Dear god! I didn't think anyone could read words like that. I can see why it's called "purple prose" -- you turn that color trying to make sense of it!

Google, aside from pulling up the MySpace page, pulled up the Alexis Hart (her nom de plume) site. Which was not at all promising to any manly-man to look through. But to succeed in my Heckle Mission, I set my testosterone to eleven.

So I saw a book cover for a book called -- wait for it! -- Moonlight for Maggie. Pink roses and a purple background.


And clicking on that cover brought up the first chapter as a sample.

I clicked.

I read.

The opening was masterful misdirection and double-entendre. It was good! Had me laughing.

The rest was not my cup of tea. It was not bad writing. In fact, the rat-a-tat-tat of it and the dialog reminded me of classic black-and-white movies from Warner Brothers and Columbia, so it had a charm to it.

Finally, I looked at the MySpace page again and I saw writer Barry Eisler as a Friend. WTF?!

I see here that I am in serious FAIL territory for this heckle.

So, flailing around, I find one: Why doesn't she mention ebooks, dammit?

There, Mission Accomplished. (Hey, if Bush can claim it, why not me?)

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