Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Social Table: The Coming Horror

Watching a video attached to this Gizmodo post, Full-Screen Multitouch Mac OS X Is Here (But Not from Apple), I nearly threw up in my mouth thinking of the implications.

Microsoft's Surface was pretty cheesy, I thought. As well as dumb.

It took a simulation of OS X to open my mind to the full horror of what is coming. Inevitably coming.

And probably first to Starbucks.

I call it the Social Table.

Imagine (please brain, stifle my gag reflex) sitting down to an Intelligent Table that is hooked into the Internet. In fact, it's just one big-ass computer.

But you can log into it.

Tech Fiends such as James Kendrick could leave his notebook at home. He could actually get some work done on a Starbucks Social Table. Or simply be entertained by it.

The one thing missing from that dumbass Microsoft Surface demo was the social implications of it.

You can create a personalized and customized UI that will allow you to follow the Vanity Stream -- Twitter, FriendFeed, Flickr, ad nauseum.

And call up an on-table keyboard to reply.

Sign into Second Life and do whatever those nitwits do there. Check techmeme to see if your crap merited being scrawled there. Look at reddit to see if those eejits are still flogging Ron Raul.

There will also be instant Tic-Tac-Toe, instant Checkers, instant Chess -- and, for you really sad bastards, instant Solitaire.

The variations are as infinite as they are nauseating.

Leave behind notes for people who will show up later. My god! I've just created TableMail!

Play games or chat with people in other frikkin Starbucks -- something you will need because if you find this future appealing, you're the kind of person without real social interaction, so the thought of playing with a stupid table probably makes you drool.

Really, I have to stop here. I'm getting sick.

Oh, and that screensnap above? It's from a TV series you probably never heard of. Star Cops. Made in 1987.

That's right. A TV writer thought of it before Microsoft.

Still think you're so frikkin smart?

Microsoft Surface Parody

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